What I Learned from My Kids

9 May

This is me with my first baby, celebrating  my first Mother’s Day.

If I look like a child . . . well, I pretty much was. But this baby hung in there and taught me how to be a mommy in no time.

Both my girls taught me how to be a  better person. Being their mother was one of the best things that ever happened to me. Thanks  girls for making my life.

 What I Learned From My Kids

1) That kids need Good Mental Health days.

Even young kids lives can get overwhelming and complicated. (And if you don’t believe that, watch kids get off a school bus PULLING a suitcase full of books.) Sometimes they need a day of hanging out at the house and just chillin’. The girls and I had an agreement that should those days show up, (and there were no tests due) they could stay home. And yes I lied and covered for them. But the girls never abused this privilege. My girls are grown and they still talk about those days. But now, they give this time off to themselves.

2) Kids need to be able to speak their own truth. Without being judged.

I would try to tell the girls they could always come to me with anything. But I wondered how much they actually believed me, since I was also the one telling them what to do a good part of the day.

So I came up with The Traveling Journal. In a blank journal, I wrote a note for her. I told her this would be between us. She could share any feelings she wanted and then just put it under my pillow. That we would never talk about it. Then I put it under her pillow, never mentioning it. Every once in a while I’d get a little girl’s outpouring of how she was misunderstood at home or at school. It gave me a lot of insight into how she was thinking and feeling. I still have that book to remind me.

3) Kids in the same family are not the same kids.

Even though they come from the same parents, may even be the same gender, they are just as individual as if they came from different parents. Comparing them is futile. And unfair. Their individuality is an important thing to nourish.

4) As a Mama, you can’t do it all. Or at least not the way you think.

Raising a child is an in-the-flow kinda project. Children’s needs come up fast and instant (even when they grow up). And these needs can completely shift your plans. My friend said being a Mom was like the training we got as kids in school. In case of fire: Stop, Drop and Roll. The sooner you learn to flow with the time, the sooner you will be able to develop a rhythm to your life.

5) Children teach us how to appreciate the time we’re in.

When you watch a young child playing or eating or walking, you’ll see that they are all about the now, as Eckhart Tolle says. No thinking about what he’ll be eating after he finishes this meal. Or what’s tomorrow going to be like. They teach you to pay attention to what’s right in front of you – right now.

6) Children are the embodiment of Unconditional Love. Period. And their mothers feel the same. The best description for me is the song by the same name by Willy Porter.

“There’s a woman with a babe sitting next to me

She rides the crooked train into New York City

She holds that child on her bended knee

Whispers something only he could hear.

She said I will always love you no matter what will come

I carried you inside myself the two of us are one

No matter how you fall down or how it comes undone

To me you will always be shining.

And he stares into her brown eyes

Into the face of unconditional love. ”

Willy Porter Unconditional Love ©

 

Happy Mother’s Day.

Much love,

Jo

 

I’m Happy to let you use this article for your e-zine or website. Please please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with the article:

Jo Pillmore works with women that are feeling the crunch -overwhelmed or stuck – or both. Her clients reclaim their time,drop negative thinking and open up their lives to newopportunities. Email her at info@MyLifeOnMyTime.com with questions and to sign up for her free newsletter that will offer you lots of help in reclaiming your life.

 

By Leave a Comment Filed Under: Support

5 Ways to Feel Better About You

1 May

She was devastated.

She was a work-a-holic, devoted to her job in the public sector where she helped hundreds of people during her career.  Someone that loved (and lived) her job. It defined her.

But one day, because of government cutbacks, they demoted her to a position she’d held 5 years early. She was demoralized. Convinced that she was obviously not doing her job. (Even though intellectually she knew it was budgetary reasons.) And yet, there was no reasoning with her. If she had real value, then why did they do this?

At the end of our talk, I asked her to do this exercise for the next 7 days.

“At the end of each day, I want you to write down 5 things that you did well. Just 5 things, nothing big. So for instance, let’s start with today. Name some thing today that you did well?”

Silence. Then she dissolved into sobs over the phone.

“Nothing. I did nothing well.”

“Okay, let’s take a minute. When you drove into work today, did you take your coffee with you in the car?”

“Of course.”

“Did you spill it?”

An indignant, “Of course not.” (Did I tell you she was a perfectionist too?)

“Okay, that counts as something you did well.”

Yep. You read that right. Unspilled coffee counts folks. And here’s why.

How many times have you gotten into the car and not spilled your coffee. Hundreds, right? But when you do spill your coffee, what do you say to yourself?

“Clumsy. Now look what you’ve done! What a mess! Now I’ll be late.” On and on.

But the hundreds of times you didn’t spill it . . . nothing.

This exercise may appear trivial at first but consider this. Self-criticism is a habit we train our brains to support.

Yes, we are actually choosing to train our brains to beat us up. Frightening isn’t it?

We do this by giving importance to the self-deprecating thought as it arises. When we focus on it, our mind thinks it’s important so it keeps bringing information to back up what we’re thinking – sort of like a Google request. Google’s search field will sit there empty for . . . well, forever, until you type something in it. Then it will give you all the data in the world to back up your request.

The mind is the same. Chastise yourself for that time you spilled coffee, and it will bring you lots of other examples of you being clumsy or not effective.

Sometimes the Voice in our heads (or The Little Me as Eckhart Tolle calls it) says:

“What are you doing?”

“You’re not helping this situation.”

“You need to be better at this.”

If you were to follow a small child around and say these thoughts out loud to her all day long, how do you think she’d react in her world? Happy? Strong? Confident? Effective? Probably not.

And yet these are the things we run on tape in our minds.

So before you go to bed, write down 5 things you did well that day. You don’t have to save them or review them. You can write them on a scrap of an envelope and toss it away. But do write it. Because your mind argues less with the written thought than the one floating in our heads.

Focus on the small things, even if it’s “I did a good job washing my hands.” That counts. And do it for 7 days.

It will start showing your mind that THIS is important to start searching for. And it will.

Just 7 days. Let me know how it goes.

 

I’m Happy to let you use this article for your e-zine or website. 
Please please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with the article:

Jo Pillmore works with women that are feeling the crunch – overwhelmed or stuck – or both. Her clients reclaim their time, drop negative thinking and open up their lives to new opportunities. Email her at info@MyLifeOnMyTime.com with questions and to sign up for her free newsletter that will offer you lots of help in reclaiming your life.

 

By Leave a Comment Filed Under: Support

How To Unlock The Door: Stopping Stressful Thinking

16 Apr

“I have notified everyone!! How many ways can I tell them what the project needs? If people would just follow through and get going, this would’ve been done ages ago. They are all exhausting me.”

This was a High Alert call. I could feel the stress pulsating over the phone.

And the kicker was. It was all true.

Yes. She had been crystal clear from the get go.

Yes. Others kept dropping the ball and doing a lot of shoulder shrugging.

And yes, she had done everything she could.

What now?

Here’s what I told her. A story.

The other day I was having a crazy busy day. I finally get home and I’m standing at the front door with bags and purse in hand, balancing my cellphone between my ear + shoulder – trying to unlock the door.

But it won’t open. I push it. I jerk the key out fast. Then push it in fast. I never know why I try that but I do. Do I think that’s some kind of magic lock/key lubricating trick? Anyway, no matter how much I curse + complain or how hard, fast or strong I try, each effort fails.

Then I put (more like angrily drop) everything down. Now that both hands are free, I grab the door handle and pull and push on it while pushing the key in harder. My frustration keeps building the whole time. No matter how hard I try to force that key in, it just doesn’t work.

Frustrated I stopped. I looked at all my belongings scattered on the garage floor.

I took a deep breath. (Actually 2 or 3). Then I softly inserted the key and ever so gently turned it.

Click. Whoosh. The door opens.

“Ahhhh” she says to me “A metaphor.”

“Indeed.” I say.

The truth of it is, so many times, we are right. We have done everything that is expected of us (and probably more). Basically, we’ve done everything we can within our control.

So why the stress? The frustration? The worrying and complaining?

Because when we feel we have nothing else that we can do – worrying feels like action. Being stressed feels like an action. It makes it feel like movement. Like we are doing something.

But it is not movement. Its stress. And the more pressure you put on the project, person or door lock – the less likely you are to get the results you want. Because you are forcing an issue you have no control over.

So . . . it’s one thing to read this and kinda get it with the metaphor. But more helpful is to work it into your body so that you can start changing the default worry wiring.

The suggestions here for a shift are simple. But as with so many simple ideas, two things usually come up.

We mentally discount its effectiveness because it IS so simple.  - OR – We buckle under the idea of it not being a Super Quick Fix and then give up.

Cause – yep-  it takes discipline to shift something you’ve been doing over and over maybe you’re entire adult life. I mean exactly why do you think you automatically keep stressing like this? Because you have been doing it over and over and over.

But it can change – and quickly with practice.

Next time you’re in that uncomfortable position of stressing over something totally out of your control and you are ready to lawyer up and get all angry and stuff, try these simple ways to snap your mind out of the Stress Loop.

Breathe. Breathe deep and long. It always lowers the heart rate and steadies the breath.

If you are sitting, then stand up and walk across the room. Or vice versa. To move at all, our brain has to be engaged. So this shifts the thinking away from the stressful thought.

Wash your hands. I know – so simple, right? But this is different.  As you wash your hands really notice the feel of the water, the smell of the soap, the texture of the towel. Bring your mind to the present moment.

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. No, not really. But one of my clients used to take what she called her No-Smoke Break by stepping outside and walking a few minutes. Just to get a new perspective.

Anytime we do a motion or new activity, our mind has to re-evaluate and alert the appropriate muscles and responses.. And that causes us to press the Pause Button on the stressful thoughts. Yep, stopping the stress right then and there, if we choose. When you start doing this on a regular basis, the mind resets itself.

Experiment with one of these, or make up some of your own. Doing something different in the moment can bring you out of the loop of stress.

Then it’s your choice to stay out of it.

 

I’m Happy to let you use this article for your e-zine or website.  

Please please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with this:

Jo Pillmore works with women that are feeling the crunch – overwhelmed or stuck – or both. Her clients reclaim their time, drop negative thinking and open up their lives to new opportunities. Email her at  info@MyLifeOnMyTime.com   with questions and to sign up for her free newsletter that will offer you lots of help in reclaiming your life.

By Leave a Comment Filed Under: Support

5 Easy Ways to Boost Your Memory

22 Jan

Passwords, User ID’s, security questions. No wonder our brain hurts and we can’t remember things. Look what all we have to remember!

But what if you could make it easier? A no-brainer, so to speak.

If you drive a car, you know that after 3,000 miles it’s going to need an oil change. So every day when you get in your car, you wonder if today is the day you need an oil change.  So you pull out a notebook that has the amount of miles on the car for the last change. Then you read the odometer and subtract mileage. And then you do way too much math that I have no desire to calculate or imagine. After all that math, THEN you  find out if today you get your oil changed?

I’m guessing no. Because, you’ve got a sticker in the top left windshield corner with the exact mileage to have it changed again. Simple right? And guess what? That’s a system and a good one because it works.  So why not use other systems to help you remember with other things in your life?

Here are some of my favorites.

(1) TIMERS: Ever started the laundry then remembered it hours later? I have. (Sometimes more than hours!) Use a timer to keep you on track.  You can use your cellphone, watch or even a kitchen timer (for small jobs) and it will be your new personal assistant. When I start my laundry, I just assume I’m going to be doing more important things than trying to remember when that load is done. So I set the alarm for 40 minutes and go about my day. When it goes off, I take care of the laundry. I do the same with appointments. Once I make an appointment, I put it in my cell and/or iCal and set alarms to remind me. Sometimes multiple alarms, depending on how far out the appointment is.

(2) MINI-ANCHORS: No not the ship kind. The memory ones.

An anchor, in NLP, is a stimulus that brings up a state of mind. For example, when working with a client that was experiencing heavy anxiety at work, we added a way for her to have a certain prompt (anchor) that when the stuff hit the fan at work, she could do this prompt and it released the anxiety, easily.

For these simple memory purposes, I’m calling these mini-anchors. And you get set them yourself.

You’re all snuggled in bed and then remember: You forgot to turn on the dishwasher.  To always remember, try this.  Next time you finish loading the machine, put a spoon or fork on your night stand. This won’t work with a water glass because you may have kept that there in the past. You want something that will make your brain look at it differently. Make sense? When you see the fork you’ll remember.

Or instead of keeping the library books all over the house, round them up as you finish them and leave them by the door to the car, so you’ll know to return it.  You no longer 1) have to remember where they all are and 2) will forget to return them.

(3) LAUNCH PAD: If you have kids, you’ll love this. Find a basket, box or just flat area where you have to walk by to go out the door. Whatever or wherever you choose, don’t keep it totally hidden or this won’t work. This area will be where you keep anything that you use the next day. Briefcases, lunch boxes, homework, backpacks. Train your children to put their things here when they come in the house and back when they finish their work at nite.

When I organized homes, the Number 1 reason people had things all over the place is because they never designated an appropriate spot to put things. (See Homes) So once you set this Launch Pad up, and use it yourself, it won’t take you long to train the rest of the space crew.

(4) HOMES: Just like the Launch Pad, things get lost because they have no “home”. Poor poor things.

If you’ve spent more than a few minutes – ahem – looking for your purse, your cellphone, (it’s charger) your carkeys, etc. then you know where I’m coming from.  So start giving things regular homes. Purse in your coat closet. Keys on a ring by the door.

I know this sounds simple. And it is. But for some reason we resist the discipline of it. Just think, thought,  how many total hours in a lifetime you’ve wasted looking for car keys. Wouldn’t you love to have that time back and use it for fun? Or be able to magically remove the self-deprecating stress talk you told yourself when you couldn’t find something? That talk is bad for the brain but also the body. So cut yourself some slack and give those keys a home.

(5) POSTETTES: I’ve saved the best for last.

I could be the Postette spoke person if they’d just call me. I keep a pad in the kitchen, by my bed, one in my purse and another in my car.  The kitchen you can use for the obvious, grocery shopping, but you can also use it to label things, like leftovers or a dish prepared early that needs some cooking instructions.  In my purse, grab ideas, errands etc.  Being in the car seems to be the time I remember SO much but not necessarily that I can act on while in the car. So I just write it and post it to the dash.  I also write a list of my errands to keep me on track.

The beauty of these system is I no longer run this “I have to remember to do X” tape in my head. Releasing that tape frees up lots of energy and extra RAM/space in my head for more important things.

Like what’s for lunch.

 

I’m Happy to let you use this article for your e-zine or website.  

Please please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with this:

Jo Pillmore works with women that are feeling the crunch – overwhelmed or stuck – or both. Her clients reclaim their time, drop negative thinking and open up their lives to new opportunities. Email her at  info@MyLifeOnMyTime.com   with questions and to sign up for her free newsletter that will offer you lots of help in reclaiming your life.

 

By Leave a Comment Filed Under: Time Savers

5 (of the MANY) Questions People Want to Ask Organizers

20 Dec

When people find out I love to organize, they start asking me quick ways to regain some control of their lives.

Well, not at first. First they have to see if they trust me. Because just about every person I’ve worked with thinks they’re the only ones with a clutter problem and they don’t want to make that common knowledge.  But once they see I’m not wearing a wire and going to tell the neighborhood they’re issues, then they’ll ask. But usually in a kind of hushed, desperate tone.  Sorta sad. “Hi My name is Jane and I’m outta control with my clutter.”  “Hiiii  Jane.”

So here are 5 fan favorites that for some reason usually come up

1) How do I keep track of all my manuals and warranties? This one is sooo easy to do.  Just get one of those big flexible accordion files that can stand up – you know, they’re brown colored and have pockets A – Z? Then file your manuals and warranties generically. Your Toaster would be filed under T for Toaster not B for Black and Decker 4 Slice Toaster. Or your watch instructions would go under W for watch not C for Casio. Trust me on this generic filing system.  You will thank me 3 yrs from now when you need the manual for your humidifier at 4AM and you can’t remember the brand name.

2) I need these plastic bags but they multiply like rabbits!  Another sooo easy one.  Next time you finish one of those small square tissue boxes, stuff the bags in there. But one at a time. If you put them inside each other, next time you reach for just one 16 will come out. Once I made a bet with a client that looked like she had a buhzillion bags crammed on both sides of her fridge, that I could get them all in ONE tissue box. And yes ladies and gentlemen, I did. I think it was like 78 or something insane. I keep a lot of these bag boxes around. In the car, for reuse in grocery stores, under the sinks in bathrooms to quickly empty a trash can. And my clients keep them by their doors for dog walks. Lots of uses.

3) I always remember things I need to do or buy once I get in the car but then forget later. I’m with you on this. For some reason the car is like a download port for me. Ten minutes after I start driving all these things will come rushing in that I need to do: errands, phone calls, books to read.  Here’s how I contain it. Postettes. I keep 2 or 3 packs of postettes in the car. Then when I remember an errand I write it and stick it on the dashboard. Or when I need to remember to put something in the car for the next day. Or a list of the different places I need to go. It has saved me a lot of backtracking.

4) How can I organize small items like sox in a drawer or bottles in a pantry? Empty shoeboxes. Yep. You can put them in drawers to keep sox and underwear sorted. Use them in your freezer to coral similar foods, like meat or frozen dinners. Helps find things quicker and it keeps you from smashing your foot each time you open the freezer door. I have a box in my pantry that holds all my odd ball bottles that I don’t use daily like sesame oil, tamari, soy sauce, rice wine vinegar. They pull forward like a drawer and the bottles don’t spill like they would free standing on a shelf. They also work great as ‘drawers’ under your sink to hold cleaning supplies.

5) I get up in the morning already in the hole from all the chaos of getting out the door. How can I start the day on the right (organized) foot?  If your house is a wreck every morning, then put it right each night. Before bath time for my girls, I used to set the timer for 10 minutes. “The Game” was we had to run around like crazy picking up the area of toys, newspapers, cups and plates, etc.  before the timer buzzed.  I say we, because I had stuff out too. You’d be surprised how much you can get done in 10 minutes if you really run around like company’s coming up the steps.

Don’t worry. These aren’t the only questions people ask. I’ll post more soon. But these are all pretty easy answers to implement.

It’s not just about clutter but about time and how you use it. Once you start using some of these steps, you’ll see how you can regain your time.

 

I’m Happy to let you use this article for your e-zine or website.  

Please please do! Just be sure to include this complete blurb with this:

Jo Pillmore works with women that are feeling the crunch – overwhelmed or stuck – or both. Her clients reclaim their time, drop negative thinking and open up their lives to new opportunities. Email her at  info@MyLifeOnMyTime.com   with questions and to sign up for her free newsletter that will offer you lots of help in reclaiming your life.

By 3 Comments Filed Under: Organizing, Time Savers

7 Ways to Uplift Your Day

10 Dec

“I discovered I always have a choice and
sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude.”   

–     Judith Knowlton

 

I was standing at the check-out line of my local craft store when I heard some women chatting excitedly. One woman had just picked up a set of children’s watercolors and was telling her friend she could hardly wait for the day she’d be able to share all kinds of crafts and arts with her soon to be born first grandchild. I  joined in their excitement, because I’m expecting my first grandchild too. And even though we didn’t know each other, we quickly connected with each other’s joy. It was a brief encounter, taking less time for the actual talking than it probably took for you to read about it here. But it left me feeling light in my body. It put a smile on all three of our faces. (Well, four if you count the young check out clerk laughing with us – or maybe even at us. We were pretty giddy.) And I felt better.

So what changed a quiet run of the mill transaction at a store, to a happy moment that actually left me feeling better that afternoon? My choice to just move towards the direction of better.

These women were sharing their happiness out loud and I was willing to ‘take a chance’ to join it. At that time, we all 3 leaned toward happiness as Abraham-Hicks says. Not forcing ourselves to ‘Think Positive. I must think Positive’ but leaning – just a bit – toward a better feeling. Though it seems like a little thing, leaning towards a better feeling can start a habit of feeling balanced and more hopeful in our lives. It shows us that with just a little bit of effort, life can look better. It also makes us more aware of the good in our life. Here are some ways you can get started.

1) I’m A Soul Man:  Listen to music that makes you feel better. I’ve made a CD of great R&B and rock’n’roll tunes for my car and my iPod. You’d be amazed how quickly a good rockin song by Sam and Dave song can make you feel good.

2) Howdy: Say ‘Hello’ or a ‘How are you?’ to people that you find interesting or friendly. Just a simple Hello and a smile can help us feel connected and better.

3) Good Times: We now know that the brain thinks in images, sounds and feelings. These images are how we categorize and put our life experiences together so that it makes sense to us. In NLP, we call these experiences our maps of reality. We can create good experiences or thought, that can run like short YouTubes in our brain. Choose happy times you’ve had in your life and then make it your own edited Director’s Cut. Use just the part of it that makes you feel happy. That selective part of fun or happy and then end the tape there. Maybe it’s the joy on a friend’s face when you paid her a surprise visit. Or how your dog runs in circles when he sees you come thru the door. You choose your favorites and run them when you need them.

4) I See You: Look in a mirror, give yourself a wink and say “Hi Cutie”. That will bring you a smile each and every time. The first time I started doing this, I noticed it was a bit embarrassing to wink at myself. And then I realized – of all the times I’ve looked at myself in the mirror – to look at my clothes, hair or makeup – I had rarely made true eye contact with me. Louise Hay, author of You Can Heal Your Life, suggests making eye contact with ourselves each and every day, sending a message of acceptance and love. I use what one of my client’s calls, her favorite part of the car, the rearview mirror. I check in before I start the car and say ‘Hi’ to me. So now if I’m going to drive somewhere, I’m winking – at me.

5) You Did?? Me too!  Take a risk and step into an upbeat exchange. Not a private conversation but a short impersonal one that goes on around us all the time – like the one I did with the Granny in Waiting. People make funny out loud comments all the time. You can ignore them or join in the fun.

6) Mother May I: Give yourself permission to feel better. Sounds a little silly, doesn’t it? Permission to be something I desperately want in my life? But think about this. Who decided to be grumpy this morning? You may have woke up with The Thought of Grumpiness, but you’re the one who decided to go with it. Who decided to grumble about the commute to work? Who engaged in the “Yeah – Life Sucks” conversation at work? So you can also choose the reverse. You can make yourself a nice breakfast. You can find something good to talk about even if it’s a joke you heard. But none of these ideas will work unless you give yourself permission to use them.

7) Your Turn: So the next ones to use are the ones you create just for you. You get the idea. Look now for your own options of feeling better. A phone call with a friend or family? Buying yourself a flower? Petting your cat? Make your own lists. . . . and use them.

By Leave a Comment Filed Under: Organizing